Week 9 - oh oh the lord is my Sheppard and I am his sheep

Well friends and family this email is not going to be anything what you expect it to be. You probably expected a funny story or a good tail of misson moments. Well I can tell you this story told and untold has so many fingerprints all in it I'm pretty shore I didnt just see the finger print or the hand but my savior home self, guiding me and comforting me thew this. 

And what this is is I'm comming home.

And that is harder than anything to say becise you dont come home early from a misson that's not that you do.

Tuckers dont quit rember.

I can do hard things rember.

It will all be worth it if I finish my misson rember.

Well I did, I did finish my msion for now. 

If the lord wants me to go back on my misson I will be there in a heart beat, knowing my struggles and know how hard a misson is. But also know what joy a misson brings and what experience it let's you have and the relationship you get to have with the lord on a misson.... ya if the lord asked me to go back in the feald and put that back name tag back on and wake up evey day at 6 and go to bed evey day at 10 and give my whole heart to the lord evey second of evey day no doubt in my mind woud I say yes to the lord in a heart beat.

But that is the problem right now is my mind. I have been diagnosed with extreme depression and anxiety. And that is so hard to here I am the one to starts the dance parts, who brings the ice cream out, heck sister morris calls me sunshine. But right now I'm not very sunshiny at all. And I need help. I'm ok to say that. I'm ok to say I'm not ok right now. And comming home has been one of the hardest dission I have ever had to make but I've talk to my misson presdent and his wife time and time again and I've talked to the misson counselor and I've talked to my mom and they all see my pain but they know that this is my decision. The counsler gave his personal opinion that going home and healing woud probably be the best for me and he showed me a picture of two Brains and they were both doing a task the same task. And one was lit up tottay lit up. Shining and the other one possibly one 5% of the depressed brain was lit up. The way he explained it was your brain just wont let you do the task at hand, you want to I can see you want to but your brain just wont let you. And that was si hard for me to here becise I am the mind set of what we call stubborn and i want to do i want to finish everything I start. And he said it's your choice to stay or go but it may be best to go home and heal and he shaird this scripter with me 

D&C 124:49:

"Verily, verily, I say unto you, that when I give a commandment to any of the sons of men to do a work unto my name, and those sons of men go with all their might and with all they have to perform that work, and cease not their diligence, and their enemies come upon them and hinder them from performing that work, behold, it behooveth me to require that work no more at the hands of those sons of men, but to accept of their offerings."

And he said the lord is proud of your misson and your offering but you have given all you have, and the lord need you to get better. 

And it was so hard yet to comforting to here becise everything he was saying maid sence to me and I agreed with and I felt a peace about. And then my misson presdent's wife , sister Macbeth told me I needed to pray and get s answer with a feeling of over all peace about my decision. So I did.

And i did.

I feel peace about it and I even feel a litte like my self again. 

I know for some reason I need to be home. The lord and my hevenly father need me to be home I know that with out a doubt. And no one can tell me other wise, becise my mind may be a litte confused and hurting and in pain right now. But 

But my faith has never been stronger.

I know my savior loves me 

I love he died on the cross for each and everyone of us. I know that my hevenly father knows me by name. I know the scriptures were maid for our time period and they are pure revolution and pure joy and peace. I know my family lives me with our a freaking doubt in my mind. I know thst mu hevenly father has a plan for me and it's better then any plan I could come up with. And I know with my whole soul that this gospel is the plan of happiness, no question no quiver in my heart mind or soul or brain about that. 

My misson becise I am a return missonary was the best. The lord thought me so so much more then k could ever imagine and I felt his love in  Degrees I didnt knkw were  Possible and I felt all of your love the same way. For any of you who are thinking about going on a misson I say pray about it and do it! Trust the lord. Put him before your self and have that opportunity it where his name so close to your Heart evey day. So it and you will grow so much 

Do it and you will so much 

Do it and you will feel your hevenly feathers love and your saviors love so much. A misson is the best hardest most learning experience the lord has let a lot of us have. 

And my mission was a gift. And I love gifts and my hevenly father knows that about me.

And I'm so greatfull for his love and his always kind heart and words he has for me.

It's all going to be ok if I, my self and you four self rember hes incharge

He's the real author of this story 

Hes the real painter of this masterpiece 

Hes the pilot of this plain 

And he is our father in heaven 

Ans he knows what's best for us!!

I love you all so so much 

And I love the lord and my hevenly father more and anyting more then birthday cake ice cream, french frys, and dance parties.

I love this gospel with my whole soul.

And its all going to be ok becise of him. 

I love you all

And will see you all soon 

- sister tucker